One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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