So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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