My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
