Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
