ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
