I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
