Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
