It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When are your genitals available?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
