it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
