I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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