either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
