Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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