erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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