you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found the puke drawer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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