Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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