we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
