big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
