if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
