i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
