when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
