Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
