I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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