Farmville is her only friend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
