Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
try to milk me bitch
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