I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
