So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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