dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
