I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize