So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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