i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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