yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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