Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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