Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
