my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
