I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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