im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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