My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
