She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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