she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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