My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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