I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
