The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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