You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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