dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
