dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
