well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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