I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I look better un-naked...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
