...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
