Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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