You just made me feel so damn special
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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