i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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