i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize