Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
