Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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