You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
