oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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