Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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