Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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