Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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