She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
