you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
