So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
