Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
