Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
