he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
