I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
