i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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