Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need water and some morals
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize