I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize