We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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