everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
