if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
