I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
