the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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