i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
