I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
