i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
