Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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