I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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