I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
