We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
