We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i believe in u and ur pee
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
