I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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