i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
