My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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