I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
