I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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