We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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