nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
