i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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